Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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