Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
