remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
