I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
