Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
