She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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