I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
