Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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