it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize