i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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