they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
