My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
