Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just cropdusted the office
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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