I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
that's an acceptable place to lick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
