Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize