I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My dick has a subreddit
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
