I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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