My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
