3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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