and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
