WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
