My Higher Power is John Stamos
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
