worst night to have a conscience
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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