I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
