do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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