she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
