there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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