ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
