Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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