Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
