She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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