he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
