So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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