good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
