I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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