I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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