just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
