I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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