Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
