who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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