Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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