All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
