I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize