This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
