Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
