If i come over, it means nothing
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
