you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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