Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
