At least make sure they are 18
Why
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
