Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
