hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
