Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
