i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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