kristin has been a bad kristin
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
