So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
