she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We had sex on a dog bed..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
