Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
