So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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