Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish I only lived at night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
