My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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