Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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