There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
