dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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