I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
