The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize