Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
