It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All the doctor said was why
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
