I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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