It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
