Quick, to the slutcave!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
