I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
