This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
