i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize