I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
