you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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