Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
