I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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