Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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