Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
bring money and cleavage
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
