I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
