i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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