so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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