I am puke
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
