Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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