You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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