once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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