Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize