I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
whose parrot is this?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
