he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
