Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
