hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
