get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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