when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
