if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
