I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
