just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she told me i tasted like america
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
These tits shall not be calmed
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