They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
3pm strippers are depressing
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize