Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize