I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
