Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
