Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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