I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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