is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
