Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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